Trying for a BETTER postpartum

Hey all, this is the third go round of postpartum, and while pregnant, we made extensive plans to improve on the last two. The last two were- well less than ideal. Baby Cora is 2 months old now, and things have been SO much better postpartum this time than with Avery and Thomas. We are not out completely of the woods yet, but so far so good.

Lucia in previous postpartum phases

What is it about pregnancy that you look forward to the due date as the end, when really you need to look at it like a book summary.

Not as a 9 month start to finish, but instead a full year:

Because the baby being born is the end of pregnancy sure, but does not mean things are back to normal. Far from it. Anticipating the cute baby snuggles, a female brain forgets EVERY TIME that postpartum involves feeling run over by a semi truck.

When you're not sure if you're gonna laugh or cry, but either way it will be hysterical

There's all the pain and healing from birth, sleep deprivation, hormones attempting to regulate, and the overwhelm. I think biologically we are meant to forget about this part. This is where in the past Potato Farmers wife has absolutely tanked.

But actually when you look at what your hormones are doing, it makes sense. Everything is building building and then suddenly drops and it truly feels like who am I?

But the good thing about getting older is experience. Experience is often regarded as the best teacher, and it is certainly true in regards to birth.

Postpartum is a tricky time because normally you know what you need, what makes you happy, and how to feel better if you aren't feeling good. But postpartum its just one big question mark. Do I need a nap? Coffee? Time alone? Time with Husband? Lets just keep stabbing until something works here... the loss of identity that comes along with this just adds to the equation and it can feel like a test you forgot to study for.

Also when your self identity is doesn't match reality, it is hard on your psyche, making you dig in your heels and push harder

I got this

After doing postpartum wrong twice and eating a few servings of humble pie, Potato Farmers wife took the time to learn about the science behind postpartum. She has also been blessed with wise friends further down the motherhood road, who were able to offer invaluable advice. Combining this all together, PFW has come up with a postpartum guide.

Potato Farmers Wife Guidelines for a BETTER postpartum:

1. REST REST REST. Even if you had a good birth and are feeling chipper. Rest. There is no rush to get back to domestic duties. If you start to feel guilty, see part b. B. When and if your husband starts to seem worn down from all the cleaning and taking care of the kids, do not jump in to help. Remind yourself that you are the one who had to go through the whole pregnancy and birth while he did not. You were the one who couldn't sleep because baby was kicking and he was snoring away. You were the one who had to push out a baby while he was standing there checking the wave forecast. Now you get to rest and he does not. It's fine.
   

Postpartum Lucia accepting dinners, childcare, and compliments about how cute her baby is

2. Treat yourself like a fragile baby giraffe. Each step is pretty wobbly. Even being alone with baby can be a vulnerable feeling.

a. Know that you are a different version of yourself due to ALL the hormone shifts your body is going through. Take each day as it is, don't expect much from yourself, and do not catastrophize the situation.

POSTPARTUM HORMONE SHIFTS:

b. Stay away from loud or stimulating situations as much as possible. If that describes your household, buy noise canceling headphones.

c. Do not judge yourself for how you are feeling or how productive you are, again you truly are a different person for awhile until the hormones start to regulate.

3. Don't expect life to feel normal again until baby is 3 months. That's when science says that hormones return to pre-pregnancy state.

a. If you have a crabby baby or aren't getting consistent sleep, add more time to that.

a. 1. If you have a crabby baby, go to Starbucks as often as you need.

a. 2. If you have a crabby baby, SURVIVE. This phase will pass.

At some point, we may come out with a HUSBANDS GUIDE TO POSTPARTUM but we couldn't think of any hunting analogies that would correctly describe this phase of life.

I am currently feeling very thankful that things are going so much better with baby #3. After Thomas I really wondered what was wrong with me, why I couldn't seem to handle 2 kids when my friends were breezing through life with 5.

Lucia trying to remember who she was before kids

But trading in pride and honor for good mental health was a good move. Lowering expectations and standards for myself, and also knowing what is going on biologically and why, has made all the difference. Motherhood is full of joy and love, but also pain, anguish, sleepless nights and NO TIME so balancing everything to make sure your mental state is good can prove to be quite the challenge.

This is not anything I have mastered, but am just aiming for better. Knowing that God lets everything happen for a reason, so its not so much about what I can do, but what strength is given for each day.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

Love Peace Happiness, and Trying for Better,

Potato Farmers Wife